Raw Bio

The following is my unedited response to a writing group task to write a  biography in under 500 words:

Where do I begin in describing my life’s journey?  An accounting of my triumphs?  My failures?  Defining moments?  Talents?  Or is it the projection of who I wish myself to be?  What I hope and aspire to, delude myself in thinking…

The truth is I am many selves: hopeful, despairing, accomplished, fumbling, educated, ignorant, human.

At different stages various descriptors have taken precedence: female, American, Puerto Rican, intellectual, mixed, Blackeloiza and son, middle class, mixed, student, organizer, dancer, radical, mixed, teacher, teacher, teacher, Spanish-speaking, Latina, world traveler, risk-taker, friend, daughter, sensitive, empathic, engaged, passionate, deep, intense, generous, kind, humanitarian, defender.

The descriptors I had no desire to fully own but were equal parts of my journey:  foolhardy, compulsive, perfectionist, competitive, lonely, depressed, lazy, indulgent, jealous, rash, stressed, brooding…

For over the past four years a new aspect of my identity has emerged~ mother.  This newest part of my identity does not allow me to compartmentalize my existence into an attractive portrait of my best qualities.  This part of my journey has provided me unique insight into who I am– my two children serving as little mirrors of both my best and worst qualities.  In intending to create a space that is loving, tender and protective of my children I have been given the opportunity to be in deeper relationship with all parts of myself.

With the masks removed, the labels not as important, and the  illusions washed (or kicked) away a more authentic rendering has emerged.  I am still all those things I used to be– just more fully owning it all.

I doubt motherhood will ever allow me to feel I have arrived.  In honoring my children’s own paths, I remember that their job is to teach me who they are… My hope is not to betray myself or others;  to strive to be honest, true and committed; to do the least harm; to be a contribution.  Or simply through my being, be a healing presence in the world.

4 thoughts on “Raw Bio

  1. So on point: “In honoring my children’s own paths, I remember that their job is to teach me who they are… “. Thank you for putting it out there. As a new mama of 2, I am grappling with my pre-pubescent 10 year old who is discovering the unraveling of her own (young) womanhood and the exciting daily newness of my 8 month old son. Being present for these 2 dynamic beings has truly defined me these days… as i awaken from my dormant creativity naps and give all over again…
    Thank you again, Elo

  2. Wow! This rings true for me in so many ways, thank you for your honesty and for reflecting my own fears and focuses of my new-found self as mother. In truth I received from this piece that it is indeed all about taking responsibility for all of my actions both the conscious and unconscious. It is scary, exhilarating and liberating for sure. Thanks you for putting words to these emotions.

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