I had always imagined healing would be this ethereal experience. The sun shining, a community of support, basking in a feeling of wholeness…
That is until I really dedicated myself to a healing path. I then came to understand the often lonely, painful, and dark path healing sometimes requires.
Healing, for me, involves the start of a reconciliation between my understanding of reality and Reality.
Reality is the knowing that there is only ONE. That we are all connected. That there is a higher purpose. There is limitless potential. A limitless capacity for love.
reality involves accepting what is… Just the way it is right now. reality is feeling our limits. Being with our disappointment and grief. reality is rolling up our sleeves.
Reality is the boundless love that grew for my children as I carried and birthed them. reality is the pain of pushing them out. The hard work– sweat, screams, blood, feces.
Reality is the ways that I am connected to my son and my daughter. Reality is the reasons they chose me. The lessons I am learning from them. reality is the fact that they whine. reality is rushing off to school and work in the morning.
This year grief is healing me. Letting myself feel it. Retreating inside to explore the depths of my disappointment in reality. Questioning Reality…
It takes honesty. Speaking that which I was afraid to admit, even to myself.
It takes courage. Being willing to look at the dark and shadowy places to uncover what is underneath.
It takes commitment. Staying with what is, despite discomfort. And if the what is was anger, disconnection, apathy, to be with that too.
Grief is serving as a pathway to a more authentic relationship with Reality.
Not what I had imagined. Not flowery. Not easy. Illuminating and rapturous.
Eloiza Jorge 
You captured it with childbirth. The work of labor is lonely and great, and so is any serious personal undertaking. You have to find your way out and it takes guts and courage and strength. Some moments just a little bit at a time, but it adds up. You’re in the thick of it, but you’re going to get there. xo
love you. xoxo
I’m still catching up on a number of these assignments but I must say…this really resonated with me. Simply beautiful. Healing really has SO much to do with reconciling what I think (or want) to be reality, with that truly IS. You have such a way with words mA. It’s something I struggle with, putting those feelings into meaningful, thoughtful words – words that make sense…that I can wrap my mind around. You really have a gift. :)
thanks hala. your words are heartfelt and encouraging… xoxo
(by the way, i spent more than 2 months in a writing group with plans to write and didn’t do one post. then one day i crossed the threshold and committed to stay with it. iA, we are both discovering our voices and it feels good to be doing it simultaneously :-))
girl.. you are so insightful. thanks for sharing this for revealing a bit of yourself. this is healing. :)
whew, revealing myself is scary but comments like yours keep me going!
hoping to connect with you at some point… xoxo
Thank you, Elo. You know just how to get to the heart of it. One day, your words, your smile and your energy will help me to start on my own healing path. Not now, not yet, but someday. You make the journey seem a little less scary by putting into words the things many of us feel but are afraid or ashamed to admit. I am so grateful our paths have crossed! xoxo
Elo simply said “you are AMAZING”. Thank you for opening your heart and being so candid. Your words have already begun to heal so many… it gives me the courage, strength and the reminder to be gentle with myself. luv ya :-)
Elo, this is exactly how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days and wasn’t sure what to make of it, what was happening. I thought I was somehow regressing. Thanks again for putting words to my feelings!!
*Jenny