Radical Advice: Claim Your Alter-Ego

Who are you?  Who are you, really?

That’s a difficult question to answer, isn’t it?

In my work with women the theme of alter-egos unfailingly comes up.   Alter-egos are those parts of ourselves that we have some clue exist but we decide to put away in a box, up on a shelf or down in a basement somewhere.


Hidden, denied,  or rejected parts  start to emerge as you begin to uncover more of who you really are.  Because I am walking this path myself,  I know both the pain and the joy of the process.  When I get to meet other women’s alter-egos they are often bitchy, messy, not so nice and invariably more alive.

You see, many of us tend to operate one way most of the time and only let our alter-egos show themselves in special moments.  How have you explored and honored different parts of yourself?  What risks are you willing to take to be more authentic?

Alter-egos come in many forms.  A woman I coached with for several months, Willa, really had no problem telling-it-like-it-is.  She was often so quick-witted and sharp that before she knew it, her opinion was shared. 

This side of her, her fiery side, has an intimate and passionate relationship with art and literature.  She does not sit the fence. Her superpower is sensing bullshit a mile away.  She is bold and brave. 

Yet, Willa had a longing for another aspect of her identity to emerge. There is this part of her who sometimes wants to shut up.  There is another part of her who is wise and gentle and knows how to harness her power in more subtle ways.  As you can imagine, claiming both partd of her, letting them both be fully present, helps Willa feel more alive and connected.

Stepping into a persona helps women explore different aspects of who we are now and who we are becoming and to claim more of a multidimensional and complex selves. Instead of remaining in a box of who we think we are supposed to be, alter-egos allow us the opportunity to be who we really are.

A new, more full and authentic identity is emerging as we claim more parts of ourselves.   Owning the ugly parts and nurturing the beautiful parts.  Being more compassionate with the suffering parts and claiming the powerful parts.  Being awake to what is true for me day to day, right now.  Dreaming and longing to make a bigger contribution– to be more  bold, alive and passionate.

Which one of your alter-egos is dying to step outside the box? 

L e t   h e r   l i v e.


8 thoughts on “Radical Advice: Claim Your Alter-Ego

  1. This is deep for me, E. I used to hide certain parts of myself but that took to much energy. I can go from teacher, to bitch, to nurturer, to psycho, to warrior, to mediator all in a 5 minute span. :)

    I guess the part of me that wants to come out is that sexy Zumba-dancing girl. I really want to start Zumba AND take a pole-dancing class, yet I’m scared that I will be judged because you know how we sistahs “are.” I will take these steps to heart and let you know how it goes. Thank YOU for the encouragement to let her out.

    1. Yes, Lisa! I know at least three women who have felt really empowered by taking pole-dancing classes… It is always such an affirmation to hear when my writing resonates with folks- especially dope women like you! xoxo

  2. As I enter my 7th decade of life, it feels so good to know that I may keep learning, growing, expanding and enjoying life more, with help of course, of individuals in interpreting all the teachings available to us
    Thanks! :)

  3. Pingback: You | eloiza jorge

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